Sexual Abuse and the Church
- Avarie Wilson
- Dec 14, 2018
- 6 min read
And he said to me, “Son of man, do you see what they are doing—the utterly detestable things the Israelites are doing here, things that will drive me far from my sanctuary? But you will see things that are even more detestable.” Then he brought me to the entrance to the court. I looked, and I saw a hole in the wall. He said to me, “Son of man, now dig into the wall.” So I dug into the wall and saw a doorway there. Ezekiel 8:6-8
Ezekiel found elders burning incense offerings to idols; women mourning the god of fertility; and men bowing down to the sun with their backs turned toward the temple of the Lord.
Dear Christian, if you were to look into a hole of your church’s walls, what do you think you would see?
I recently attended a summit held at Wheaton College on the topic of sexual harassment, abuse and violence in the Church and how we ought to respond-- a needed conversation about an issue that is not new whatsoever. No matter how shamefully silenced sexual brokenness has been in the Church so far, it does not have to remain this way. And it shouldn't be. I would argue that a person's sexuality is the most intimate of who they are and it's oftentimes where we struggle most. And then we don't talk about it. And healing never comes.
How important it is that we see and hear survivors-- and that we don't neglect to help the perpetrators too. There are always underlying reasons for why people do what they do, for good or evil, and those who abuse need healing too. Statistically, many perpetrators have been abused themselves and are reenacting such toward others. It's a never ending cycle when they are treated as irredeemable and unlovable. As we are all fallen creatures, we all have the capacity to do evil against another. May we enter conversation with humility toward those on both ends.
Today I would like to share with you some of that which I learned from the bold teachers, leaders, preachers, and survivors who spoke.
Why Many Don’t Speak Up
Unfortunately, many witnesses do not speak up about sexual abuse in the Church because…
They are afraid that the priest or pastor will look bad, the church will split, and it will be his/her fault.
They are ignorant in thinking that prostitutes have chosen “the life”. Many involved in prostitution are raped, physically assaulted and/or have PTSD that is to the same extent of a veteran of war. I have yet to meet a woman on the streets who grew up dreaming of such “work” and I am highly doubtful that I ever will.
They are selfish in saying that sexual abuse is too pervasive, complex or disturbing to talk about in a place of worship.
They are avoidant in refusing to admit their own sexual brokenness and addictions.
They are forgetful that statistics are real people and that with different circumstances, he/she could be one of them too.
They falsely protect the institution over the innocent.
They want to guard Jesus’ reputation, though He never asked, needed, or wanted us to cover up sexual abuse. Ever.
Could it be that sometimes what we don't do hurts God?
What the Enemy Loves
Darkness. Christine Caine, an activist, author, evangelist, and speaker worldwide, said it best: "Silencing, shaming and devaluing others’ stories does not make them untrue. It makes us unlike our God."
Reversed Roles. Many children who are victimized are told to keep secrets, which forces them to protect the lives of those who should be protecting them.
Defeat. Many are expected to heal unreasonably quickly, but complex trauma requires a journey in which someone needs others to walk alongside them for the long haul.
Over-complicatedness. We may avoid those who simply need a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on because of a self-induced doubt that we are able to help at all.
Re-traumatization. It is possible for victims to be re-traumatized through the dismissiveness or denial of those they are brave enough to tell, and by cold encounters with the criminal justice system.
Paralysis. We seem to forget that we will be held accountable as His Bride for knowing about this issue and not doing anything on behalf of those who cannot speak for themselves. "Silence becomes violence," says Belinda Baum-- a woman who has served women in war-torn societies such as the Congo for decades.
Blame. It didn't stop in the garden of Eden. Many stay silent because they believe that they deserved or asked for what they experienced-- that it was all their fault. It is important for survivors to know that rape is never the consequence of anything-- not a drink or dress. In light of such, they should never be asked after disclosing, “Well, what did you do to deserve that?”
What A Survivor Needs
Someone to believe them and to believe in them. Kelly Rosati, a wife, mother, child advocate, and survivor, shared that ⅔ of victims don’t report childhood sexual abuse until they are adults.
To know that Jesus is flipping over tables, as Beth Moore said, hating the injustice that he/she has endured and desiring to make things right within His beloved, imperfect Bride. We ought to love justice as He does, and not just idealistically or when it is convenient says pastor and author, Eugene Cho.
To be encouraged that they have the blessed opportunity to become strong in Jesus and to get to know Him in a way that most people don’t think they, themselves, need to.
For strong, God-fearing and purity-pursuing men to talk to their sons and daughters about topics such as sex, abuse, and pornography-- a common gateway into acts of sexual violence such as assault, abuse, prostitution, and trafficking.
To be supported in finding forgiveness toward their perpetrator, but never pushed to return and reconcile as such could harm them. To suggest that one ought to enter back into relationship with their perpetrator to “be a good Christian” is wrong, as doing such undoubtedly has the potential to be life-threatening and trauma-inducing. Eugene Cho shared of making this mistake early on in his pastoral ministry with hopes that others would not do the same.
To be prayed for and given grace. With half of the world being women and millions being modern-day slaves, we should go to the throne of grace on their behalf. When the Good News neglects to recognize the dignity of every image bearer, we do not carry the gospel as we should.
To be wept with, also known as the ministry of presence.
To be asked what they’d like to be called (ie victim or survivor) depending on where they are at in their healing journey.
To have loving family and friends, counselors and pastors, teachers and coaches, whom are trauma-informed and will consult another who is more knowledgeable when necessary.
For others to recognize that no two people are traumatized the same way, just as no two glasses shatter the same way when they fall to the floor. (Illustration of Tammy Schultz, a professor of counseling at Wheaton)
To be identified as image bearers of God. We reflect God most when both genders are respected for who they have been made to be. R. York Moore, a director at InterVarsity, pointed out that God decided not to make us homogeneous and it was not so that one could be oppressed while the other abuses their power.
To have someone lovingly go with them to find a professional counselor or other resources they may need.
For believers to know the laws in their state regarding mandated reporting of sexual abuse.
To be seen and heard. Jesus was flawless in how He continually stopped in His steps, tossed aside His missional agenda, and met people right where they were at. He always saw them and heard them. Jesus already knew everything about the woman at the well but He still conversed with her and counter-culturally listened to her. Jesus could have kept making His way through the crowd when the bleeding woman touched His garment but He wanted to see her-- and for everyone else to, too.
“The healing restored her health; the hearing restored her dignity.”
- Max Lucado (best-selling Christian author and pastor)
What Else You Should Know (statistics given by Kelly Rosati)
90% of victims know their perpetrator whether it be a parent, sibling, babysitter, camp counselor, coach, pastor, etc.
93%-97% of perpetrators never come in touch with the criminal justice system, which means that background checks shouldn't hold much weight.
Out of the 730,000 sexual offenders known in the U.S., the average age of those victimized is 13-14 years old.
The number of boys victimized by a single perpetrator is 150 and for girls it is 52.
Those in ministry involving children and young adults seek out those who are isolated, insecure, have a rough home life, and/or are participating in risky behavior. And so are perpetrators.
There is no way of identifying a sexual abuser by their appearance.
“If we really want to see change, we have to be more than upset about abuse.”
- Ed Stetzer (author, speaker, researcher, pastor, church planter)
Where You Can Learn More
Nefarious (documentary on sexual exploitation worldwide)
Books:
The Cross and Gendercide
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